Ok, on to more pressing matters. I bought a ring yesterday. Thanks to Sadie I've deemed it my "I love me" ring. It's a white gold ring with a 14k diamond in square setting with cutouts on the side. It's from the 1910s/1920s. And why do I need such a piece of jewelry? It was a symbolic purchase to remind myself that I am a strong and independent woman who needs to focus on herself and doesn't need to depend on a man in her life. I also have come to the realization that I'm probably not going to be getting a real engagement ring for at least the next five or ten years so why not get myself one to enjoy now in the interim? So far the ring is fulfilling its purpose. I feel better than I have ever felt about my new single status and hell, it looks really good. Now I just have to go the next three or four months without any new clothes purchases or dying my hair and it will all be worth it.
I'm realizing I have a lot to say in this post... warning it's going to be a long one!
Let me preface this next section by saying that today was a two movie day. Before "Sherlock Holmes" I watched "A la Mode" (1993) a french film about a boy who becomes an orphan and gets apprenticed to a tailor. He eventually discovers his love for fashion and starts designing unique one of a kind suits and dresses such as one out of grass and flowers.
Now let me regress. Before watching "A la Mode" I went for a midmorning run/walk on the beach trails. I couldn't find my Ipod headphones so I was forced to entertain myself with my thoughts... they ended up getting pretty deep. I started challenging myself to think about where I would be in 10 years... then 20. That was way to complicated so I tried five years... even that was really hard. Finally I tried just one year. Where did I see myself in one year. Well, hopefully I'll know if and where I'm going to grad school or if I'm doing the bakery thing or maybe something else... pretty vague right?
And then it hit me.
People always say that the person you fall in love with should love you for you. Well how the hell is someone supposed to love me for me when I don't even know who I am? Now, it's not that I'm completely unsure of my future plans it's just that I have A LOT of options and I'm not really ready to nail myself down to one yet. But how in all honesty can I expect someone to truly fall in love with me when I'm not really ready for them to? I mean, I have no idea where I will be or where I want to be 20, 10, or even 5 years down the line. I'm starting to believe that it would be foolish to tie myself down to someone now before I've given myself time to figure all this out.
So all of this kind of connects with "A la Mode." Fausto (the orphan) could never have guessed that he was going to end up a fashion designer. It just kind of happened. Granted, he does end up proposing to his love interest after he finds out she's pregnant but that happens to be after he's started to make it big and is well on his way to becoming a famous designer. I think this movie is a great example of how the future is ambiguous and things will happen that you never could have imagined. (4.6 out of 5 stars)
Looking back at where I was last year I never would have thought that I would be single right now. But I am and it's time to make the most of it and make a commitment to stay true to myself and take the path I want to take, not one that someone else prescribes... this probably doesn't mean becoming a fashion designer, but I'm keeping my options open.
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