After Rob and I broke up I started to realize just how dependent I am on the guy I'm dating. I truly NEED them. I base things around them and have things that I can't, or just really don't want, to do without them. I guess this isn't completely a bad thing, but it gets bad when I start to lose myself as an individual, which often seems to happen.
Now that I'm single I've had to start doing things myself that normally I would wait for Rob to be around to do. For example... braving my sketch ass laundry room in the dungeon by myself... pumping air into my bike tires... this is not a girl's job. This is a boy's job, but whatever.
While I'm starting to feel more independent in the sense that I don't feel tied to a man, I'm also starting to feel lonely. Sometimes I like feeling helpless... When a guy cuddles me I feel protected and taken care of. For me, being dependent is feeling safe... which, after I just typed those words I realize is kind of ironic. Isn't being dependent upon someone else often more risky than being dependent only on yourself? Alas, this has gotten even more complicated.
You may be asking how all of this relates to movies... well here you go. For a perfect example of my Independence/loneliness issue please watch, "Home Alone." I know, I know... I promised good movies but whatever it is a childhood classic right? Ok, so in "Home Alone" all that Kevin wants is to be independent, for his family to leave and never come back. Well, he gets his wish when his family forgets him as they leave for Paris. At first, Kevin is thrilled with his newfound independence, running around the house screaming and eating junk food.... my big kid version of this is one night stands, dating and making bad decisions as a single girl. However, after a while, Kevin gets tired of this new freedom and longs for his loving and neurotic family.
This is the point I'm at. I love feeling in control of myself for once. I don't have anyone to answer to but myself which feels great. But at the same time, I'm scared for when this feeling of independence is replaced with loneliness. One night stands and hook-up buddies only go so far and they definitely don't care of you when you need it most. As a believer in woman power, I hate to think that I really neeed a man. But maybe I do. Not right now exactly, but I'm pretty sure eventually I'll get sick of being Miss Independent and long for the days of having a boy to watch my back.
Well I guess that's about it... I just want to add that I'm pretty proud of myself for being able to relate "Home Alone" to my sex life... that's skill.
For one, good work on the corrollation! For two, I TOTALLY FEEL YOU. I believe I wrote a blog similar [yet not as amazingly analagous as you] like, two years ago after Aaron and I broke up. I love being single because I only have to worry about myself, but yeah, I feel really lonely. Like, who's going to go to dinner with me? Who's going to fix my tire when I accidentally get too close to the curb [matt]? Who's going to listen to me about my day? Oh. YOU! being single def has its ups and downs, and I'm glad this challenge is only six months. I think it'll give us both time to wipe the slate clean and really go for the RIGHT guy the next time, because we tend to date [and hook up with] douchetools...because really? how many people have we dated that would actually want to open a bakery?!
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA! YESSSS! This comment rocks. New item on the must have check list for guys we date: Want us to open a bakery. I'm glad it's only six months too lol... I think it's the perfect amount of time to figure out who we are without boys so that we can then find THE boy. Oh... and I totally loled at the Matt tire part.
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